What if Being 1% Better ISn't Enough? How Faith & Peace Break the Cycle of ‘Not Enough’

What happens when perfection isn’t enough? When getting 1% better every day still leaves you feeling NOT ENOUGH? 

In this episode of The Journey with Dr. J, Dr. Julia Garcia sits down with two incredible doctors to talk about the hidden cost of perfectionism, control, and the silent battle of never feeling “enough.” Together, we share raw stories, lived experiences, psychology, and faith — exploring what it means to finally let go and discover peace in the process.

What you’ll hear:

Why perfection always fails us in the end

The link between control, anxiety, and hopelessness

Why “getting 1% better every day” isn’t always realistic — and why faith meets you even in the 0% days

Real strategies from doctors who’ve lived it — not just studied it

What it looks like to walk through dark seasons and still find peace

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything “right” but still coming up empty, this conversation is for you.

Wherever you're at on you're journey, keep going... keep growing... and never lose hope. 

Watch Full episode on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/ei2KGfEIsDQ

Thank you to the incredible venue host, if you’re in the Atlanta area make sure you check out Miss Conduct. Family owned, beautiful space, incredible food :  https://share.google/99Rv9Km3dCzOO8v3A

Transcript

and I get emotional because I remember when I told my parents about it
I thought it was gonna be the most
like the shame sometimes people look at our journeys and they think
it's like a overnight process right
how did I get here how did I get sad again right
like I did all the things
I'm working out I'm eating well
I'm you know
there's no rhyme or reason
I'm just in a dark place could not control that
it was very painful cause I worked very hard
to get there
so then now you start questioning
you know
what was the purpose of this
when I walked in it is the most cozy
welcoming place that I've been to in a long time
welcome to journey with Doctor J
no destination just the journey
this isn't just a podcast
it's a journey and it's one we don't just listen to
but we live together wherever you're at on your journey
keep going keep growing
and never lose that fire inside that lights the path towards hope
I am Doctor J Welcome to journey with Doctor J
get right into it
and kick things off with a poem I wrote called Promised Land
there wasn't any one path she could trace that LED to this moment
the one where she was giving up
it was a collection a crossing
an interconnection of many misguided navigations that LED her here
this is where she would stop moving her dreams forward
convinced
the only way to survive their demise was to stop trying altogether
she would no longer wait or wield her worth to wonder for a purpose
to wonder for a purpose never seeming to be fulfilled
she would make herself as small and insignificant as she felt
in hope no one noticed as they passed her by
on the way to their Promised Land
so welcome to journey with Doctor J
where we are just navigating journeys
getting real right away I call it getting rated R
and that's why I like to kick things off with a poem because it really
it shines light on things that I don't say professionally
and it's something that I feel personally
so I'm just curious if there's anything that hits you in that poem
that hit you helped you
hurt you
or that you could connect with
Dang I think it hurt me
cause I think um
I the visual I got was basically shrinking in size
um letting others kind of shine or do whatever
or live their lives the way they want to
and I feel like it connected with me at the same time
so I feel like I've done that so that you're not seen or heard
so you don't hurt anyone's feelings um
so you don't stir up the pot or cause drama
so it did all three for me
it hurt hit and helped a bit
I guess
yeah I definitely agree with the
it was just sad I was listening to it and I was like
I'm a very visual person
so I'm just picturing a person just going through life and like
their light just dimming
and not just through the circumstances
but through choice
and that was very heartbreaking for me to just visualize that
that one's a beautiful phrase
yeah I do like that phrase
but there is a difference between growing up in the church
like I tell people I'm well church
wait that
that has to sit for a second
can you just like say that one again
there is a difference between growing up in the church
and accepting Christ as your Lord and savior
there are very two very different things
you can be well church like we are well church
grow up in a Christian family
sometimes dragged to church
Sundays definitely Sundays
midweek
Friday you're well church
you know all the lingo
you know what to say when someone asks how you're doing
you know all of that but when you're not at church
you're do you're
you're not consulting Christ
you're not consulting the Holy Spirit
you're just doing your own thing
it's just a you come there
you know I gotta
I gotta go to church I gotta do this performance thing
so yes
you're absolutely right
there is a huge danger when you grow up in a well church family
or have a well church background of being performative
but one thing that you said that struck me
and god has shown me this over and over in my life
is that he will always meet you where you're at
because he's gracious and he's kind
so the 1%
The 1% is that sometimes it's point five % okay
sometimes it's point two % and you have to be okay with that
sometimes it's 0% that day
but meeting you where you're at and whatever it is
it's all it is but I think that's the beautiful thing about the Lord
he doesn't require any percentages
wait I think you say that to you
I know no seriously
you just take a moment you say it to you and actually believe it
yeah and so we gotta sit here for 20 minutes hahaha
however long it takes yeah
I I think it's
it's hard to reconcile that truly
when you are raised in a culture that wants you to prove yourself
and that could be a career culture
it could be an ethnic culture so knowing it to be true
and actually living a life
that exhibits that I think are
it's very difficult
it's very difficult
the first message I ever wrote um
when I was in ministry for a short stint
the first message I ever wrote was titled
I titled it independent and as I was
writing it it came to me of like
I've always been so independent
like so high performing for myself
cause I didn't wanna be like I was
I wanted to be better when it finally clicked that I could be better
and I wanted to be independent
I didn't ask for help I was gonna do
I'm a doer and then I realized I love word play
cause that's how sometimes God speaks to me
as in like just the word play of seeing things differently
perspective shifts and I said
I don't wanna be independent anymore
I wanna be in dependence of him
and it has completely helped shape my
reshape my perspective of being independence
like I don't do anything where I don't need Christ now
like even launching this podcast
when I don't spend a lot of time on social media
is like in itself
a huge faith journey right
because I need to be dependent not just on God's Grace and covering
but like emotionally what you
what you go through when you build things
like if it doesn't become the success I want or it
you know whatever
I'm gonna have feelings about it
and I need the covering and the Grace of God
I need to be dependent on him
through the journey of even building something
and creating something new in the world
but I think that's what keeps you on the journey
if the journey was 100% on you
no matter how tall
no matter how strong someone is
whether that's mentally physically
emotionally even financially
there's a limit
everyone has a limit
you would inherently put a cap on yourself
yeah but if you are dependent on something beyond you
and beyond you is not just the Lord
it's the community that he gives you
the things that he blesses you with
whether that's grants or whatever
the sky is truly the limit
so I think for me that's what kind of breaks my heart in a
in a in a good and humble way that keeps me on the journey
because I know that I'm dependent on something that's never
ever disappointed me
what are you feeling right now when you share that
I'm overwhelmed because that's
that's honestly the truth
because I would disappoint myself
time and time and again
your spouse would disappoint you
your family would disappoint you
your money would disappoint you
your clothes will betray you sometimes you know what I'm saying
but the Lord does not do that
that's not in his character
and we don't even deserve it
and what I love about this
and I think you can speak to this as well
seeing her journey
is that doesn't mean you haven't been through trauma and tragedy
and hardship and even professionally
had some serious setbacks that could have derailed you professionally
both of you um
I can think of two significant times where both of you
almost didn't continue on your
like professional paths yeah
where you were rocked
so you're saying this from a place of I've been down
I've been broken I've been rocked
I've been stripped bare I've been hurt
I've been all the thing
I don't want to put all these words in your mouth
but if no they're actual words and I'm still able to say that
I think that's what is so powerful
and if you want to speak to either the things I've mention
that's fine if not it's okay too
like some of the journey yeah that we had to get back up from oh yeah
we'll definitely speak on that the levels
when we're talking about levels in our relationship with Christ
we start at a baby which is independence
we talked a lot about that
most of us start there I can do this in my own strength
I can do I can push through
I can push through I can run from this or I can run towards this
I can do it myself and then we we started really touching on
interdependence
walking with him and I think that is
it's a good start
and I think that's where most of us kind of like settle
but I know offline we were talking about
a good friend of you guys is a good friend of ours
like just living bechonk bechonk Bianca
about the time that you spent with her and how
she was sing she'd pray doing the dishes
just living her life
that's the that's the ultimate step of the journey
that's called an integrated life
where he's literally with you
you're aware of his presence all times
whatever you're going through
because in an interdependent life
you're not you
you know you're walking with him
but there you're
there are moments where you just forget he's there
and you're just kind of like oh
let me just consult him real quick but
in an integrated life you're always aware of the presence
and in that integrated life
that's when I think the real breakthrough happens
and that's where the real strength
to overcome some of these obstacles that you were referencing
especially in our career is that why you chose integrated medicine
you know you say that now and it actually works really well
but no hahaha
that actually works but no
an integrated life is always best
not just in ministry and faith
but also in medicine and it's funny you talk about that
and I know you made it as a joke now
but when I look back and I think about it
it's like yeah
that really did play a big part in my journey
um in my medical field
I had a longer course to get where I am medically
um cause earlier in my medical career
especially towards the end
well towards the end of college
beginning of med school I had a lot of challenges
like what like
I had a lot of like learning challenges
like I would study tirelessly and I wouldn't get the same result
and I was like what is going on
and you know
that in itself I know you talked about the traumas in our careers
in my specific career that was a big trauma for me
and that really poked at the
you're not enough you're not doing enough
so
it's a heartbreaking thing
and that's something that breaks
my heart
and I have always have a heart for people that strive to do something
even if they're not doing
even if they're doing in their own strength and they're striving
and they're not meeting the result that they want
it's heartbreaking cause I've lived it
and when I talk about the integrated life with Christ
there were dark moments dark moments in that take us to a dark moment
um it's becoming more
people are becoming more aware of it now
but being neurodivergent
and neurodivergence is a scale in the medical community
there is
you can go from ADHD to learning disabilities
to even as far as like autism
and there's different spectrums and degrees of autism
and things like that
but there are very high functioning people who are neurodivergent
who their brains just work differently
what works for the
we call people who are not neurodivergent neurotypical
the learning styles the way they teach
the way they present and absorb information
that they kind of broad paintbrush for everybody
it doesn't work for a lot of
or most neurodivergent people
and one of the darkest moments
that I had as an adult pursuing medicine
was when I Learned that I'm neuro divergent
and
it was very dark because you go through life striving for things
and you
you have that question in the back of your head like
what's wrong with me why can't I get it
why can't everybody else do it
I can't so when you hear
that you have that or that your part
it's like wait what
how's that possible at first
there's denial it's like no
that's not true that's not true
no God is not true
no I'm fine
I'm and
you know you
the Christian needs I'm fearfully and wonderfully made
all those things that like yes
it's true but
and so I I went through that whole phase of just like this
this can't be true and then you get to that phase of
sadness
dark sadness
and I know a lot of neurodivergent people
ADHD people can understand
you get to that place of sadness where it's like
why did I figure this out earlier
you start blaming yourself
you start thinking what
what could my life had been if this was discovered earlier
and that's a really dark place
because then you feel like you've wasted time
for a high performer oh
imagine you feel like you've wasted time
you feel like you've wasted resources
you feel like as a neurodivergent person
one of the biggest at least for myself
one of the biggest takeaways is
you just feel like you never have
you've you can never reach your full potential
you feel like you're like
like you have all this in a cage and you're just trying to break out
you feel like that all the time
and it's like
how can I how can I be feeling like this
so you know
of course I took it to the Lord and
you know I prayed a lot
and a lot of times he did not answer any of my prayers
he was very silent radio silence
and over time I started to hear
my Grace is enough
the Grace I have given you is sufficient
and then you reach acceptance
and then through the acceptance
you learn humility you learn to reach and ask for help
first the Holy Spirit said what can I do
Heavenly Father send people into my life
send helpers
and I get emotional because I remember when I told my parents about it
I thought it was gonna be the most
like the shame and I remember my mom was just so
my dad was silent my mom just got so overcome with emotion
and they started to blame themselves
they were like maybe we should have
and I said there's no way
it wasn't even on your radar
you're coming from Nigeria
trying to build a life in a country
in a culture that you don't understand
you're doing the best with what you got
so like I'm
like it's not your fault no
and I remember a prayer my mom
my mom always prayed over her children growing up
she's like
Lord wherever my children go and they're out of my sight
always send people to love my children and care for my children
send helpers to my children
and she's always prayed that prayer over us
and I started to see it manifest
especially in that very dark moment
Grace in the form of different helpers
Grace in the form of people who just want to take a chance on me
would come and it was very humbling
it's like why me
because you're already battling with the fact like oh
I'm not enough I'm not good enough
I'm not smart enough I'm not like everybody else
and that imposter syndrome
especially in medicine for people who are neurotypical
it's strong now imagine finding out you're neurodivergent
it's just crushing
it's a weight that literally feels like your shoulders are heavy
but you know God is good
he sends help and in when you've reached the end of your strength
you can no longer give a 1% daily
he just meets you he just meets you
he carries you and you just look at it and you're just like
you know what
isn't what am I boasting in
what am I boasting on cause in my strength
this is not possible
but god so for me
that was it that was when I Learned that an
integrated life I'd be man
I remember there were times where like
I went from being in med school to working in Barnes and noble
shelving books the difficulty
shout out to Barnes and noble
I love Barnes and noble it got me through it
it is mine too
but it was a happy place in a dark time in my life
so it's kind of like mixed
but god was still there and I found even in those moments
those dark moments when you live in
that's why I Learned about integrated life with him
I would just find myself singing
and just show them books I have decided to follow Jesus
let's go louder no turning talk
you're just you're oh no
no no no
I don't I don't wanna give you guys too much no
I'm no you
I just found out you can sing
so let's sing no
because what is that song
no I need to hear some of the song
it's an old I mean for the for the seasoned Saints
it's one of those like old school songs I have
to follow Jesus whoo
no turning back
no turning back
so like when you
when you hear those songs and you're in those dark moments
and the Holy Spirit brings it to your remembrance
because before he brings it to your remembrance
you're thinking to yourself
I can't do this anymore I don't wanna
what has this Christ situation brought me
and then you you think
but where else would I go
who else would I go to there's no other option
you can't know Christ at least in my
life to have known him and then be like well
I'm gonna turn away it's like
where else can I go letting him know you yes
what you were doing yeah
like where where
who else can I turn to I'm in this dark
there's no other option so then I've decided to follow Jesus
no turning back no turning back
sin behind me cross before me
like no turn there is no turning back
come hell or high water I'm following him
and wherever it leads is where it's gonna lead
so singing and music
there's so much history to it
and I think about you had the joy of the Lord in your spirit
so you couldn't help but sing
while you're shelving books in the darkest point of your life
I just think that's like such a beautiful imagery
that you still had the joy of the Lord
and I think what's incredibly powerful that I hope people hear
you believe in God knowing God is there for you but receiving
the love the support
the Grace the um
whatever that is receiving is a totally different um
strength I call it an emotional habit
to be able to practice the art of receiving
it's actual
have it No. 4 in the book
receiving because we
sometimes we get into emotional loops where we know so much
and we do so much that we don't receive enough
and that place of receiving
you were emptied out to a place where you allow
you knew help was there
but there's a difference between knowing and actively receiving on
and that's that pride again
that's that sneaky pride it's like oh
I have all these accolades
oh I've achieved so much
oh I'm in med school
yeah I got there
but I mean
I I got here
like I studied like I studied and I
I'm good
I I
at that point I'm shelving books
people asking me where the next Harry Potter book is
I'm like aisle 7 like there's no
there's no more pretenses there's no more
shield of achievements and that's where God can truly meet you
because think about it if he's integrated life
he's always next to you when you feel far from God
news flash he didn't go nowhere
you did
like think about it like
when somebody's when somebody's next to you
like sitting next to my beautiful wife now
she doesn't have to yell and scream to get my attention
she could literally whisper in my ear
and I hear her loud and clear
she whispers when she talks what
but when the noise around me is too loud
noise can mean accolades pride distractions
someone's yelling and screaming
social media someone's yelling and screaming
she's still whispering her volume hasn't changed
but my distractions have gone louder so I no longer hear her
but when you're in that dark place
this we talked about this earlier sitting
I had a long season of sitting in a dark place
well it was very radio silent
friends left me girlfriend at the time broke up with me
was very quiet and he was very loud
but his volume hadn't changed
he'd always been there
so it's almost like you didn't have the option
but to receive
your hands were no longer occupied
ooh right
you had you had nothing
yep you didn't have your perceived achievements from school
you didn't have money you didn't have
stability
you didn't have arm candy
you got it now I have the ultimate option now
so but
but it's almost like you
you had no option and in that to stay on the journey right
it's like um
there's a song I'm not a singer
so I'm not gonna sing
but the lyrics say like you sustain in the middle of it all
um
you remain the same like you sustain and that's that
dependence portion
interdependence integration that I think the Lord wants us to have
but you know we come in and out
we come in and out cause that's just like our habits as human beings
you have to be willing
and there's humility in stretching out your hand mm hmm
right letting go
letting go of whatever you're holding on to yeah
be it a mistake
a diagnosis a failed relationship
a past trauma
a negative self image um
the list can go on and on
but in order to let go there's a risk
obviously right you could fail again
you could be in another relationship that doesn't work out
you get abandoned you get in that
all of the things
but I like to believe that we are worth the risk
if we are pursuing peace and presence and the joy of the Lord
all of the things like
it's worth the risk for me
when you said the word sustain
I feel like that was just the heart of everything
I've been working for
it's one thing to have hope
it's one thing to have joy
it's one thing to have love
but it's a whole other game even a career
is one thing to get into the school you want
or to get the job you have
but to sustain these things
yeah to become a parent and also to sustain motherhood at a
at a in a headspace that you're empowered with and you feel that um
you can you can do it for a long stretch of the time right
it's the sustaining
and I think it all goes back to like those emotional habits
those thought processes are we
do we have processes to process the ebbs and flows
the UPS and the downs the negative and the dark spaces
and even can we enjoy the holidays and the joy like
our human emotions with hope
with joy with can I be is
completely emptied out in my spirit
but also feel the joy of the Lord at the same time
to sustain that hope
yeah it's managing the mundane yeah
which is not easy and it's not sexy either
that's why we're having this discussion right
it's it's hard
everyone wants to get to the destination
yep no destination
no destination right
um it's
it's it's not sexy
um
but it's worth it because like you said
if you believe in yourself that you're worth it
then you're gonna commit to it
um yeah
if you could take us to a time
if it's professionally academically
personally
where you felt like you were faced with that tension or that space of
like
do I trust and stay on the journey or do I go a different direction
maybe my own direction or whatever it would be
it's hard
there's a few to choose from
but I think I can go the the haha
the one I think rocked me that I didn't see coming
cause there's some you can
you can kind of see coming sometimes um
the one I didn't see coming was my mindset as a
I guess I'd call myself a life student as
especially as a physician
is um
you gotta get into scientific thinking
we do a lot of if then if I do 10 jumping jacks
my heart health would be better right
if I carry this cup of water
this hot cup of water with care
then I won't spill it so that's kind of how I
my mindset worked if I worked hard
I would accomplish and do good things
if I worked hard I would get the recognition I deserved
if I was a team player my teammates would um
treat me with respect
I think um
academically I did a lot of stuff like that by the book
I if I study
I'm gonna get a good grade
um if I put myself out there and apply for a job
I'm gonna get a good job um
so if I do this research
it would make me more attractive for future employers
or future opportunities so I
I always did these things thinking about the then
the then in mind and um
when I finished training finally
for those of you who don't know um
it's like 14 years to become a doctor in the United States minimum
it's crazy um
depending on what specialty you choose
but it's a long time so in those 14 years
you know picked you up
picked you up I haven't dropped me yet
pick me up you pick
you pick up all these things and people around you
um but you still have the then in mind
so I got to a point where I can now finally apply for a job
where I could be my own boss
I'm not I'm training under
I'm no longer under someone else's license
I'm full fledged doctor so I applied
um for a very competitive job
um and I got it over a lot of other people
cause let's be very clear
I'm a minority um
when I walk into a space I had a patient literally this week was like
I thought you were 10 years old
I did not tell you about that in the counter
she was like I thought you were 10
you walked up to me and I'm like what
what is this what's this girl doing
and I'm your whole doctor ma'am
you know um
she's the boss I always tell her when I'm talking
I'm like go save lives
good guy I will stop telling you my drama today
that is what you say um
you know I get along with my patients great by the end of
the end of the counters but um
I end up getting that really competitive
attractive job and it was gonna be great
and then I get there and it's not what I imagined at all
because if I work hard if I'm a good team player
if I take good care of my patients
if I communicate then all this is gonna work out
and it didn't work out very abruptly in a very
um
painful way painful
it's even still hard to honestly digest way
um because now I wasn't dealing with medicine or science
or trying to prove a thesis or something
I was dealing with um
humanity
and I don't think you get taught how to deal with that
what what do you mean when you say that
can you unpack that I think um
I don't even know how to like put it into words
I was dealing with people that did not understand me or value me um
that I think I was so different
they didn't
choose to see me so they just wanted to
get rid of me hahaha
in in what ways did they not value you or see you that you can
if you wanna share
it's really hard to describe cause it was just like gaslighting
I don't even know how to um
give me an example that can I wrap my mind
how can I pop my memory um
I'm I'm gonna ask
can I pop in at this point
just because I know for her it was a very
we were we were very serious at that point
I remember pursuing marriage at that point
weren't we weren't married yet
but we were we're engaged at that time
no no
not yet we were
that was we had talked about it
that was me all knowing you're busy
so right so
we had already I helped her move into that apartment
like we were for a long distance
cause you moved for this job for context
oh yeah
yeah yeah
you packed up your whole life
started your life there to start a whole practice and the whole life
you left where he was to do this
yes yeah
so so
and I helped her move into the place
so like I we were talking every day
and the time she was at that job
the thing about my wife is that shy is very
between the two of us I'm the most like
I'll see something and I'll be like
that's what it is
boom blank
we're done she is more
I want to see no
it can't be that she strives to see the best in every situation
every person and it is admirable
and it's one of the things I love about her
and at the same time
I feel like one of the assignments that god put in my life
in her life is to protect her to a certain degree
she's a grown woman I mean
but to protect her to a certain degree
and one of the things that she faced at her new job was
she was very different
she is a 5 foot black woman in a tall white male dominated space
wherever she goes she's always gonna stick out at her job
even when it comes down to the logistics of being in the operating
room you're a tall guy
all the techs are used to having the table at a certain length
she comes in and she lower the table and they're like what
we never lower the table and she's like
well
I'm also not 6 foot 4 6 foot 2 I'm 5 foot you need to lower the table
I'm the doctor
now imagine a black woman that's five foot telling grown in their 50s
60s white men
this is what's gonna happen
just from essence of being who she
is there's already a bias
there's already a a resistance
so I think for her
what was difficult was it didn't matter what she did
it didn't she had the merits
the moment she walked into the room
she didn't have to open her mouth from just being who she
and there's nothing and when she says dealing with people
there is nothing you can do about that
no amount of achievement no amount of I put in the good work
then this will happen
your existence has demoted you in that setting
and that was really hard to um
accept
really hard to accept I did I
I did not want to give it up
oh I get angry every time you talk about it
but in like oh yeah
it was really difficult to accept because again
if then when you're doing an experiment
it don't matter what color the person is
it doesn't matter what their height is
it doesn't matter how many brothers they have
what matters is can they do it
if you do this are you gonna get that output
and because that was not um
what was I guess
honored or wanted and that I could not control that
it was very painful cause I worked very hard to get there
so then now you start questioning
you know
what was the purpose of this
why did I spend 14 years for it not to be about my patients
for it to be about things that I have no control over
you know so I think um
battling bias
is
not science I think it's like it's humanity
so that was a really dark moment because then now I had to reset
and it was a sharp reset
I completely walked away from it
I walked away from
working so hard from striving
from doing all the research I'd
I walked away from what I'd known to be life
and what I thought gave me purpose for 14 years to just silence
I moved back to my parents house
yeah but the thing is
like I remember
I remember telling you I was like babe
I think you need to leave this job
and she was like
it became a pressure point
a pain point for our relationship at that time
cause I'm just like
she would come back from work and I'd look at her and I'd be like
what happened to you like
where are you where are you
like do you see yourself
have you looked in the mirror
like do you see what you look like right now
like you're done with training
you've reached the Promised Land of attending hood
like you've reached it
you're there
this is the land of milk and honey in our career
I was still in training at the time
so I was trying to get where she was at
and I was looking at her I'm just like
this is not matching what is supposed to be happening
I said babe
I think you need to leave this job
and I remember she was very resistant
she was like no
and that's when I knew I'm like oh
this is the I've striven for this
she's like you don't know how hard it took me to
get this job
it was wrapped in it was an identity thing
and at that point I had to
you can't
men
women whoever you are
when you're in a relationship with somebody
and you've identified that they have something
that they've wrapped their identity in
your best bet is to just pray them out of it
cause you cannot argue with them about it
identity is a powerful thing
in any in conversation
any conversation any
if they are having something that is ruining their identity
you just leave it alone you don't preach at them
you don't you don't
you just no one can help them but the Lord
and I remember
I remember when she ended up leaving that position
I was still in Miami at the time
she had come to visit me as she always did
and she didn't tell me at first
she came haha
she sat on my bed and she's like
babe can I talk to you about something
I'm like sure
she's like
is it okay if I just kind of hang out with you here in Miami
for a couple weeks I said sure
say less sis
come on like say less
this is it we love it
we love it for we love that for us
and then I remember when she
she would she had been uh
she had been with me for like
maybe like a week or so
and it was God God is interesting
cause remember my journey that I had many dark moments
not just the one I told you about
I had entered another dark season
rock bottom season
and she had just entered a rock bottom season too
so both of us and neither of us were telling each other
we're both in rock bottom season
just kind of pretending like oh
we're having fun then she mine became obvious
I there was no way I could hide it
and then I think that's when she was like
well
dad it's all injury
but I this is
I'm not at my job anymore
and we both kind of looked at each other and we're just like
can't say we didn't live life
can't say we didn't live life
like hahaha
we're both like
so is that what you said we just kind of looked at each other
it's like it's like
it's like a saying that we both say
so whenever life is life whenever life is life for us
we both kind of look at each other
we're just like can't
we didn't live life because like
it got to a point
where it's just like we were both in that rock bottom season
and we were both looking at each other like
what am I gonna do but you know what gave me the strength to walk away
just because I don't want to miss that you had
you were giving me truth that I wasn't ready to receive right
and I think that's the kind of the power of community
at that point I was starting to retreat a little bit
but I left the first job and my sister
which is one of my best friends
she just she just said one time
she was like
I've never seen you not happy
wow doing
what you do
it's always been hard but you've always been happy
you're not happy we're excited
we're excited
and that's when it was one of the things I was like okay
something something has to change
and walking away left me now with open hands
cause I rely on the things I was relying before
if that right and I receive whatever was next for the next season
it's also when you got really into your mental health journey too
yep yep
that's that was the makings of it
cause to be honest I'm not sure full transparency
I'm not sure you would have dived into
self development and self realization and awareness
in the way that you
you would have be as far along now had that situation not happened
cause you would have no reason to and it's not as far along as away
it's actually like in right yeah
she wouldn't be as deep but you didn't need to exactly
exactly and I think for those who are listening or watching
that is in essence a huge part of
I think what we're sharing is that it's about going inwards
and it's just you're constantly hanging out in there
but also being present externally
and so it's like this dichotomy
but it's like we can be externally somewhere around people
whether it's the holidays or our job or whatever
and not be fully free in that experience yeah
if the internal is blocked by a stop sign here
outside there and a caution tape here
don't go over there you know
so it's like being able to freely move within our internal
emotional self
that allows us to be fully present and free ever we're at
in whatever relationship we have
whether it's a friendship
a work relationship with Christ
and I feel like that is the essence in the heart of the journey
you both have committed to
like separately or professionally or academically
but with each other and with Christ and even as friends of mine
you know I feel like it's beyond friendship at this point
um I'm moving into your closet hahaha
I just saw their closet yesterday
I might put it on the video because it's that worth it
it was like this a Carry Bradshaw
moment when I opened it I was like
redo it re re
I need to be more present when you open the closet doors
um also there's like 100 mirrors in their bathroom
so I was just like which direction do I look at myself
I've not seen myself this much ever
she gave herself a mini fashion show
it was I did
and as a mom it's a very rare experience to be looking in mirrors
I'll be like 5:00 and be like food and all this on my face
like why no one tell me there's poop on my knee
like baby poop okay
um but I have had the best time
I could go on forever with you guys
I feel like we need to come back to Atlanta cause y'all are new here
we're gonna come back before we go
I wanted to see if there's someone in the audience who has a question
or a thought
or a reflection stood out to them that they want to share to
to our special guests your chocolate ducks
I will say I just enjoyed the conversation
um definitely very inspirational
and you know just hearing you talk about your highs and your lows and
you know seeing where you are now
it's a blessing to be able to see people to like
accomplish very big things
but also knowing that it's not easy
cause a lot of times people look at our journeys and they think it's
like a overnight process right
and it's 10 years to an overnight process
so like definitely was inspired
listening to a lot of your stories
and how you kind of weathered those storms
was there something that hit you specifically
that was shared or expressed even um
often times just you know
when you're going and you're building your career
feeling good enough down yourself
imposter syndrome I could definitely relate to your story with that
because you could be doing amazing things and
you know it's
it's always you know
great to see someone trying to uh
attain their degrees and you're working to become a doctor
but you're still you know
like you're doubting yourself and going through these things
it's just you know
we're we're often in these spaces
and we're not realizing how great we are
until further on in the process
when someone else is
when you finally be yourself the way other people see you
so I could just relate to that
because I had a lot early on in my career
just having imposter syndrome
being it in big rooms and sitting at tables and wondering like
how am I here why am I here
why am I in this room you know
self doubt is is it's
it's very common
but also knowing that you're somebody who's not sitting around
waiting for opportunity to fall in your lap
you're working and pursuing these things
gotta pat yourself on the back
so it's always like looking
looking back over how we may have viewed ourselves
when we're going through those storms
to see how we come out of it is just amazing
yeah yeah
I love that thank you for sharing
you know today just been
I'm not gonna start crying
it's just been an emotional day for me
because I have not seen Shawn in so long
and the minute I walked in here and I saw your face was glowing
and it just
it's just so many things are going on today
it just you know
cause I knew I was gonna come see you guys
but I didn't know I was gonna have like this breakdown
this has just been such a good moment to be with you guys
and so I'm just I'm just super happy
these are tears of joy not tears of sadness
but anyway so now that's out of the way
um God
we just thank you for today as we do every single day
we thank you for your presence
we thank you for your Grace
god we thank you for your mercy
you know when I think about today
like I do every day that I wake up
even when I'm at work and just when I'm thinking about your goodness
and all the things that I prayed for
and when I look back
I am just so grateful and don't do anything else after today
I'm just so grateful for your presence
I'm grateful for your
I'm grateful that you chose us
and because I've been chosen and we've been chosen
I don't take it lightly
it's something that I hope that when someone meets me
or someone sees me or when they make eye contact with me
they see you amen
yes Lord
and we take that so seriously
it's I know that I have to be in your presence
in order for someone to see that
so that's why I live the way that I do
I sing songs when I'm at work and I get frustrated
it's one of the very first things that I always do
and it's always an old hymn
and it always reminds me of being at church with my grandparents
and my grandfather's foot tapping in church and him just singing
and he was not a singer but it's the thing that just made me so happy
like like every time I get frustrated god
I always think about that small moment in the car with my grandfather
no radio and him just singing
and he always told me when you get frustrated sing
when you're happy sing
when you don't know what to do sing
and he says you can always call on the name of Jesus
no matter where you are no matter if you're frustrated
if you don't know what to say
just call on his name thank you Jesus
and every moment God
when I call on your name you appear
and you were right there next to me
and even if I don't call your name
you are still there next to me
so God
we just thank you for this moment
we thank you for this space
we thank you for you just being in the midst of being with us
we thank you that everyone shared and
you know sometimes it's hard
but it's always for someone else
and so I just thank you for um
everything today the space that we're in is absolutely beautiful
I told her walked in it is the most cozy
welcoming place that I've been to in a long time
and because of that you're
you're here God
you're here with us so every
every thing that has been said
everything that has been shared is not only for them
but it's also for someone else
and God we just
we just thank you you know
what a happy moment just
you know I love talking about you and who you are
and everything that you've done
and I just hope that when someone sees me
they feel and see the same thing
and so God
we just we thank you for today
thank you Lord
we just thank you for today amen
amen amen
so I have to take a moment to shout out the incredible venue we are in
we are in more and you'll see some of the space
if you're watching with us on YouTube or online it
is misconduct it is in Atlanta Georgia
Hotlanta Hotlanta
it is hot outside okay
but it is the space here is exquisite
and the food experience is even more divine
it is I'm gonna use the word divine and it's a place we
I was talking with one of the owners earlier
it's not about having the perfect meal
it's made with passion and so much love
it is owned by a mother and a daughter
and you have to come check it out
if you are in Atlanta Miss Conduct
we'll put the deets inside of this message
but to anyone wherever you are at on your journey
I want you to know that it is a journey and there's no destination
and before we go
I'm gonna just read one part from my new upcoming book
The 5 Habits of hope coming to you in October okay
make sure you can pre order your copy now says a note of hope
who are we to speak of hope
those who have nearly drowned in the depths of despair
having to run as fast and as far away as possible
to keep from staying there
if hopelessness has ever been a hole you called home
know wherever you are with hope you will never be alone
for you who may feel hopeless now
you are still here and so is hope
it is yours if you'll have it
I hope you will
so wherever you're at on your journey
keep going
keep growing and never lose that fire inside that ignites your path
your path not my path
not our path your path towards hope
thank you so much for being with us today
thank you so much to the team behind the scenes
thank you to everyone who has been supporting this journey
this is journey with Doctor J
no destination just the journey